“Come in, Mr. Juarez.” from the film “Being John Malcovich.” Craig gets a very strange interview from Lester. Ideal for Adult Males ranging from 30-60. 1-2 Mins.
Written By: Charlie Kaufman
LESTER and CRAIG:
INT. LESTER’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Craig enters. Lester, a giant of an old man, sits hunched
behind his tiny desk.
Come in, Mr. Juarez. I’d stand, but,
well, you know.
(extending his hand)
Actually, my name is Craig Schwartz,
Lester flips an intercom switch.
No, it’s okay, sir. Just a mixup with
She’s not my secretary. She’s what
they call an executive liaison, and
I’m not banging her, if that’s what
Not at all, Dr. Lester. I simply
Tell me, Dr. Schwartz, what do you
feel you can bring to LesterCorp?
Well, sir, I’m an excellent filer.
You think so, eh? Which comes first,
L or… Glooph?
Glooph is not a letter, sir.
Damn, you are good. I tried to trick
you. Okay, put these in order.
Lester hands Craig a bunch of index cards. Craig orders
them with amazing speed and dexterity. Lester watches,
(flips intercom switch)
Floris, get Guinness on the phone.
Gehginnis ondah foam?
Fork ah did?
(flips off switch)
Fine woman, Floris. I don’t know how
she puts up with this damn speech
impediment of mine.
You don’t have a speech impediment,
Flattery will get you everywhere,
my boy. But I’m afraid I have to
trust Floris on this one. You see,
she has her doctorate in speech
impedimentology from Case Western.
Perhaps you’ve read her memoirs,
“I can’t understand a word any of
you are saying.”
Pity, it tells it like it is.
That’s why the eastern, read Jewish,
publishing establishment won’t touch
it. That’s a quote from the book
jacket. George Will, I think.
I apologize if you can’t understan
a word I’m saying, Dr. Schwartz.
No. I understand perfectly.
Thank you for being kind enough to
lie. You see, I’ve been very lonely
in my isolated tower of
indecipherable speech. You’re hired.
Just one. Why is this floor so short?
Low overhead, m’boy. We pass the
savings on to you.
But seriously, that’s all covered in