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“Stop you’re killing him” From the film “The Perks of Being a Wallflower.” Patrick talks about being gay. Dramatic Monologue For Teen Male Actor. 1 Min.

Written By: Stephen Chbosky

PATRICK: Yeah, I’ve got one. Well, there was this one guy. Queer as a 3 dollar bill. Guy’s father didn’t know about his son. So, he comes down into the basement one night when he’s supposed to be out of town. Catches his son with another boy. So, he starts beating him. But not like the slap kind. Like the real kind. And the boyfriend says, “Stop. You’re killing him.” And the son just yells “Get out.” And eventually the boyfriend just did. (Patrick stops. Gripped by sad. He can’t shake.) Forget it. I’m free now, right? I could meet the love of my life any second now. Things will be different now, and that’s good. I just need to meet a good guy.

“Mr. Bialystock…” from the film “The Producers.” Bloom devises the scheme of over-producing a flop. Bialystock takes him seriously. Bloom has his meltdown (I’m wet and in pain and I’m still hysterical!!). Bialystock backs off and gets him to join him for lunch. Ideal for Adult Males in their 20s-30s.  2-3 Mins.

Written By: Mel Brooks

Bloom and Bialystock:

BLOOM

                  (recovering his dignity)

            Mr. Bialystock …

                         BIALYSTOCK

           Yes, Prince Mishkin, what can we do

            for you?

                         BLOOM

           This is hardly a time for levity.

           I’ve discovered a serious error

           here in the accounts of your last

           play.

BIALYSTOCK MOVES AROUND THE DESK TO EXAMINE THE LEDGER.

                         BIALYSTOCK

           Where?  What?

                         BLOOM

           According to the backer’s list you

           raised $60,000.  But the show you

           produced only cost fifty-eight

           thousand.  There’s two thousand

           dollars unaccounted for.

                         BIALYSTOCK

            I went to a Turkish bath, who cares?

            The show was a flop.  What

           difference does it make?

                         BLOOM

            It makes a great deal of difference.

           That’s fraud.  If they found out,

            you could go to prison.

                         BIALYSTOCK

            Why should they find out?  It’s

           only two thousand dollars,  Bloom,

            do me a favor, move a few decimal

           points around.  You can do it.

           You’re an accountant.  The word

           ‘count’ is part of your title.

                         BLOOM

                  (aghast)

            But that’s cheating!

                         BIALYSTOCK

           It’s not cheating … It’s charity.

           Bloom, look at me … look at me!

            I’m drowning.  Other men sail

           through life.  Bialystock has

           struck a reef.  Bloom, I’m going

           under.  I am being sunk by a

           society that demands success, when

            all I can offer is failure.  Bloom,

            I’m reaching out to you.  Don’t

           send me to jail.  Help!  Help!

DURING BIALYSTOCK’S LAST SPEECH, BLOOM UNCONSCIOUSLY REACHES

INTO HIS POCKET, TAKES OUT THE BLUE BLANKET AND RUBS IT

ACROSS HIS CHEEK.

                         BLOOM

            Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

                         BIALYSTOCK

                  (faintly)

           Help!

                         BLOOM

            All right.  I’ll do it.  I’ll do it.

                         BIALYSTOCK

           Thank you, Bloom.  I knew I could

            con you.

                         BLOOM

            Oh, it’s all right … wha?

                         BIALYSTOCK

           Nothing.  Nothing.  Do it. Do it.

                         BLOOM

                  (pouring over the accounts)

            Now let’s see, two thousand dollars.

           That isn’t much.  I’m sure I can

           hide it somewhere.  After all, the

           department of internal revenue

           isn’t interested in a show that

           flopped.

                         BIALYSTOCK

           Yes.  Right.  Good thinking.  You

           figure it out.  I’m tired.  I’m

           gonna take a little nap.

                  (crossing to couch)

           Wake me if there’s a fire.

HE HURLS HIMSELF DOWN ONTO THE COUCH.

CAMERA MOVES IN TO TIGHT SHOT OF BLOOM.

                         BLOOM

            Now let’s see, if we add these

           figures, we get …

CAMERA MOVES INTO CLOSE-UP OF BLOOM’S FINGER SWIFTLY MOVING

DOWN LONG COLUMN OF FIGURES.  HE COMES TO THE END AND

IMMEDIATELY WRITHES TOTAL BELOW.

BACK TO TIGHT SHOT OF BLOOM.  HE COMPARES PAGES.

                         BLOOM

                  (musing to himself)

           Heh, heh, heh, amazing.  It’s

           absolutely amazing.  But under the

           right circumstances, a producer

           could make more money with a flop

           than he could with a hit.

QUICK CUT TO BIALYSTOCK’S SLEEPING FACE.  HIS EYES POP OPEN.

CUT BACK TO BLOOM.

                         BLOOM

           Yes.  Yes.  It’s quite possible.

            If he were certain the show would

           fail, a man could make a fortune.

CUT TO BIALYSTOCK. BY NOW HE IS HALFWAY ACROSS THE ROOM.

HIS WHOLE BEING TINGLING WITH ALERTNESS.  HE MOVES TO

BLOOM’S DESK AND HOVERS OVER HIM, WAITING EXPECTANTLY FOR

MORE INFORMATION. BUT BLOOM IS LOST IN HIS WORK, UNAWARE

THAT BIALYSTOCK IS HANGING ON HIS EVERY WORD.

                         BIALYSTOCK

            Yes???

BLOOM LOOKS UP. HE IS STARTLED TO SEE BIALYSTOCK’S FACE SO

CLOSE TO HIS OWN.

                         BLOOM

                  (at a loss)

           Yes, what?

                         BIALYSTOCK

           What you were saying.  Keep talking.

                         BLOOM

           What was I saying?

                         BIALYSTOCK

            You were saying that under the

           right circumstances, a producer

           could make more money with a flop

            than he could with a hit.

                         BLOOM

                  (smiling)

           Yes, it’s quite possible.

                         BIALYSTOCK

            You keep saying that, but you don’t

           tell me how.  How could a producer

            make more money with a flop than

           with a hit?

BLOOM, SLIGHTLY EXASPERATED, PUTS HIS PENCIL DOWN AND FACES

BIALYSTOCK.  HE SPEAKS TO BIALYSTOCK AS A TEACHER WOULD A

STUDENT.

                         BLOOM

           It’s simply a matter of creative

           accounting.  Let us assume, just

            for the moment, that you are a

           dishonest man.

                         BIALYSTOCK

           Assume away!

                         BLOOM

           Well, it’s very easy.  You simply

           raise more money than you really

           need.

                         BIALYSTOCK

           What do you mean?

                         BLOOM

            You’ve done it yourself, only you

            did it on a very small scale.

                         BIALYSTOCK

           What did I do?

                         BLOOM

            You raised two thousand more than

            you needed to produce your last play.

                         BIALYSTOCK

            So what?  What did it get me?  I’m

           wearing a cardboard belt.

                         BLOOM

           Ahhhhhh!  But that’s where you made

           your error.  You didn’t go all the

           way.  You see, if you were really a

           bold criminal, you could have

           raised a million.

                         BIALYSTOCK

            But the play only cost $60,000 to

           produce.

                         BLOOM

           Exactly.  And how long did it run?

                         BIALYSTOCK

            One night.

                         BLOOM

           See?  You could have raised a

            million dollars, put on a sixty

           thousand dollar flop and kept the

           rest.

                         BIALYSTOCK

            But what if the play was a hit?

                         BLOOM

            Oh, you’d go to jail.  If the play

           were a hit, you’d have to pay off

            the backers, and with so many

           backers there could never be enough

           profits to go around, get it?

                         BIALYSTOCK

           Aha, aha, aha, aha, aha, aha!! So,

            in order for the scheme to work,

           we’d have to find a sure fire flop.

                         BLOOM

           What scheme?

                         BIALYSTOCK

           What scheme?  Your scheme, you

            bloody little genius.

                         BLOOM

            Oh, no.  No. No.  I meant no

           scheme.  I merely posed a little,

           academic accounting theory.  It’s

           just a thought.

                         BIALYSTOCK

            Bloom, worlds are turned on such

           thoughts!

BIALYSTOCK STARTS MOVING IN ON BLOOM.

                         BIALYSTOCK

           Don’t you see, Bloom.  Darling,

           Bloom, glorious Bloom, it’s so

           simple.  Step one:  We find the

           worst play in the world — a sure

           flop.  Step two:  I raise a million

           dollars — there’s a lot of little

            old ladies in this world.  Step

           three:  You go back to work on the

            books. Phoney lists of backers —

            one for the government, one for us.

            You can do it, Bloom, you’re a

           wizard.

                         (MORE)

                         BIALYSTOCK (CONT’D)

           Step four:  We open on Broadway and

           before you can say ‘step five’ we

           close on Broadway.  Step six:  We

           take our million dollars and fly to

            Rio de Janiero.

BIALYSTOCK GRABS BLOOM IN HIS ARMS AND BEGINS TO LEAD HIM IN

A WILD TANGO AROUND THE ROOM.

                         BIALYSTOCK

                  (sings)

           “Ah, Rio, Rio by the seao, meo,

           myo, meo … “

                         BLOOM

                   (afraid of the

                  scheme, afraid of the

                  dance, afraid of Bialystock)

            Mr. Bialystock.  No.  Wait. Please.

           You’re holding me too tight.  I’m

            an honest man.  You don’t understand.

                         BIALYSTOCK

                  (leading Bloom as he talks)

            No, Bloom, you don’t understand.

           This is fate, this is destiny.

           There’s no avoiding it.

AT THIS POINT, BIALYSTOCK SWEEPS BLOOM INTO AN ELABORATE DIP.

                         BLOOM

                  (the back of his head

                  practically touching

                  the floor)

            Mr. Bialystock, not more than five

           minutes ago, against my better

           judgment, I doctored your books.

           That, sir, is the ultimate extent

            of my criminal life.

BIALYSTOCK RAISES HIS FISTS TO THE HEAVENS IN DESPAIR.

BLOOM, EXPERIENCING A DEFINITE LACK OF SUPPORT, GOES CRASHING

TO THE FLOOR.

                         BIALYSTOCK

           OOOOOHH!  OOOOOHH!  OOOOOHH!

           OOOOOHH!  I WANT THAT MONEY!

CAMERA ON BLOOM AS HE LIES STRICKEN ON THE FLOOR.

                        BLOOM

                  (to himself)

            Oh, I fell on my keys.

                  (he shifts slightly

                  to make himself more comfortable)

           I’ve got to get out of here.

                         BIALYSTOCK

                   (angrily hovering

                  over Bloom)

            You miserable, cowardly, wretched

           little caterpillar.  Don’t you ever

           want to become a butterfly?  Don’t

            you want to spread your wings and

            flap your way to glory?

BIALYSTOCK FLAPS HIS ARMS LIKE A HUGE PREDATORY BIRD.

                         BLOOM

                  (his eyes widened in terror)

           You’re going to jump on me.

BIALYSTOCK STARES AT HIM INCREDULOUSLY.

                         BLOOM

           You’re going to jump on me.  I know

           you’re going to jump on me — like

           Nero jumped on Poppea.

                         BIALYSTOCK

                  (nonplussed)

           What???

                        BLOOM

                  (by now he is shrieking)

           Poppea.  She was his wife.  And she

            was unfaithful to him.  So he got

            mad and he jumped on her.  Up and

           down, up and down, until he squashed

            her like a bug.  Please don’t jump

            on me.

                         BIALYSTOCK

                  (shouting and jumping

                  up and down next to Bloom)

            I’m not going to jump on you!

                         BLOOM

                  (rolling away in terror)

           Aaaaaaaaaa!

                         BIALYSTOCK

                  (hoisting Bloom to

                  his feet)

           Will you get a hold on yourself.

                         BLOOM

                  (up on his feet and

                  running for cover)

           Don’t touch me!  Don’t touch me!

HE RUNS TO A CORNER OF THE ROOM.  TRAPPED! HE TURNS.

                        BIALYSTOCK

           What are you afraid of?  I’m not

           going to hurt you!  What’s the

           matter with you?

                         BLOOM

            I’m hysterical.  I’m having

           hysterics.  I’m hysterical.  I

            can’t stop. When I get like this,

            I can’t stop.  I’m hysterical.

BIALYSTOCK RUSHES TO THE DESK.  PICKS UP A CARAFE OF WATER

AND SHOSHES ITS CONTENTS INTO BLOOM’S FACE.

                         BLOOM

            I’m wet!  I’m wet!  I’m hysterical

            and I’m wet!

BIALYSTOCK IN A DESPERATE MOVE TO STOP BLOOM’S HYSTERICS,

SLAPS HIM ACROSS THE FACE.

                         BLOOM

                  (holding his face)

            I’m in pain!  And I’m wet!  And I’m

           still hysterical!

BIALYSTOCK RAISES HIS HAND AGAIN.

                         BLOOM

           No!  No!  Don’t hit. It doesn’t

           help.  It only increases my sense

            of danger.

                         BIALYSTOCK

           What can I do?  What can I do?

           You’re getting me hysterical.

                         BLOOM

            Go away from me.  You frighten me.

                  (he indicates the sofa)

            Sit over there.

BIALYSTOCK SITS ON THE SOFA.

                         BIALYSTOCK

                  (exasperated)

           Okay.  I’m way over here.  Is that

           better?

                         BLOOM

           It’s a little better, but you still

           look angry.

                         BIALYSTOCK

           How’s this?

                  (he smiles sweetly)

                         BLOOM

           Good.  Good.  That’s nice. That’s

           very nice.  I think I’m coming out

            of it now.  Yes.  Yes. I’m

           definitely coming out of it. Thank

            you for smiling.  It helped a great

           deal.

                         BIALYSTOCK

                  (for want of something

                  sensible)

           Well, you know what they say,

           “Smile and the world smiles with

           you.”  Heh, heh.

                  (to himself)

            The man should be in a straight

           jacket.

                  (to Bloom)

            Feeling better?

                         BLOOM

           Much, thank you.  But I am a little

           lightheaded.  Maybe I should eat

           something.  Hysterics have a way of

           severely depleting one’s blood

           sugar, you know.

                         BIALYSTOCK

           They certainly do.  They certainly

           do.  Come, let me take you to lunch.

                         BLOOM

           That’s very kind of you, Mr.

           Bialystock, but I …

                         BIALYSTOCK

                  (interrupting)

           Nonsense, nonsense, my dear boy. I

           lowered your blood sugar, but least

            I could do is raise it a little.

BLOOM LOOKS AT HIM SUSPICIOUSLY.

                         BIALYSTOCK

            And I promise you faithfully, I

           won’t discuss that silly scheme to

           make a million dollars anymore.

BIALYSTOCK DONS HIS CAPE AND “BELASCO” HAT.  FROM A RACK HE

SELECTS A GOLD-TOPPED WALKING STICK.  HE GOES TO DOOR, OPENS

IT, AND WITH A GRAND FLOURISH, MOTIONS BLOOM TO PRECEDE HIM.

                         BIALYSTOCK

            Avanti!

“You know, Stan, I feel sorry for you” From the Film “17 Again.” Mike tells Stan off. Dramatic/Comedic Monologue For Teen Male Actor. 1 Min.

Written by: Jason Filardi

MIKE: You know, Stan, I feel sorry for you. (Mike speaks loudly now, playing to the cafeteria.) Oh but I do. All too well.  You’re the man.  Captain of the basketball team.  Dates the pretty girls.  High school is your kingdom. But, People, Stan’s a bully. Why? It would be way too easy to say Stan preys on the weak because he’s simply a dick. No, Stan’s more complex than that.  According to leading psychiatrists Stan is a bully for 1 of 3 reasons.  1, under all that male bravado there’s an insecure little girl banging on the closet door trying to get out.  2, like a caveman, Stan’s brain is underdeveloped.  Therefore Stan is unable to use self-control so he acts out aggressively.  And the third reason – I’d argue that Stan suffers from all 3.

“I’m such a good friend” From the Film “Mean Girls.” Gretchen finally snaps and tells the truth about Regina. Comedic Monologue For Teen Female Actor. 1 Min.

Written by: Tina Fey

GRETCHEN: I mean, if you even knew how mean she really is. You know I’m not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? She told me two years ago that hoop earrings were “her thing” and I wasn’t allowed to wear them anymore. And then my parents got me a pair of really expensive white gold hoops for Hanukkah and I had to act like I didn’t like them. It was so sad. And you know she still cheats on Aaron. Every Thursday she hooks up with Shane Oman in the alcove behind the auditorium. And I never told anybody that cause I’m such a good friend!

“We’ve both lost somebody” From “Footloose The Musical.” Ren has a heart-to-heart with Reverand Shaw. Dramatic Monologue For Teen/Young Adult Male. 1 Min.

Written by: Dean Pitchford and Walter Bobbie

REN: We both are. You and me. We’ve both lost somebody. And even though people say they understand, they don’t really. I bet you stop a hundred times a day and wonder “why?” I do. I wonder why’d my Dad leave? Was it something I did? Something I didn’t do? Could I have made him stay? Maybe I could bring him back? But I can’t. But I don’t have to tell you. You know what that’s like.  So, I guess I came to town frustrated and angry, and it felt really good to kick up a fuss. And I know it got people upset, and I’m sorry for that. But I’m just trying to move on. Cuz I’m so tired of looking back. (Shrugs.) And I can’t stand still.  Okay, look, I’m gonna go. I know you’re gonna do what you’ve gotta do – about the dance and all – but thanks for listening.

“This isn’t a summer thing” From the Movie “The Notebook.” Allie is done with Noah for the time being. Dramatic Monologue For Teen/Young Adult Female. 1 Min.

Written by: Jeremy Leven

ALLIE: (Allie puts two fingers together) We’re like this, remember? Right? This isn’t a summer thing. Not for me, anyway. Oh, hell. Why wait until summer ends? Why not do it right now? Go ahead. No, I’ll do it. It’s over between us. You hear me, Noah Calhoun? Over. Don’t touch me. I hate you, you know that? I hate you! Just leave. Get out. Go.

Noah walks away from the house, disappearing into the moonlight. Allie calls out after him.

ALLIE: Wait a minute, Noah. We’re not really breaking up forever, right? This is just a thing we’re having, a difference of opinion, and tomorrow it’ll be like it never happened, right? Because it still was kind of a special night for me…

“Student… council… president.” from the film “Election.” Jim tries to cheer up Paul and give him some drive by explaining to him the use of democracy. Ideal for Young Adult Males in their 20s. 1 Min.

Written By: Tom Perrotta and Alexander Payne

Jim and Paul:

JIM’S CLASSROOM – DAY Paul sits in a chair, while JIM stands

                              JIM

              Paul, I know you’ve been pretty down

              since your accident.

                              PAUL

              I wanted to play next year so bad I

              could taste it.  And maybe go on to…

                              JIM

              I know.  I understand disappointment.

              I really do.

                              PAUL

               Yeah.

                              JIM

              But you’ve got a big choice right now.

              You can choose to be depressed about it

              for the rest of your life. Or you can

              choose to see it for what it really is:

              an opportunity.  I personally think you

              have a big future ahead of you, and I

              don’t mean the fleeting glory of sports.

                              PAUL

              What do you mean?

                              JIM

              Let me give you a clue.  You’re a born

              leader.  You’re one of the most popular

              students at Millard.  You’re honest and

              straightforward.  You don’t choke under

              pressure, as we all saw in that amazing

              fourth quarter against Westside. The

              other kids look up to you.  What does

              that spell?

     Paul furrows his brow and looks around, searching for an answer.  His

     lower lip is wet.

                              JIM

              Student… council… president.

     It takes a moment for this to sink in.  Finally

                              PAUL

              Who, me?  Nooo.  I never… I don’t

              know anything about that stuff, Mr. M.

              Besides, that’s Tracy Flick’s thing.

              She’s always working so hard and —

                              JIM

              Yeah, no, she’s a go-getter, all right.

                              PAUL

              And she’s super-nice

                              JIM

              Yeah.  But one person assured of

              victory kind of undermines the whole

               idea of a democracy, doesn’t it? That’s

              more like a… well, like a

              dictatorship, like we studied.

                              JIM

              Paul, what’s your favorite fruit?

                             PAUL

              Huh?  Oh.  Uh… pears

                              JIM

              takes a piece of chalk from the lip of

              the blackboard.

                              JIM

              Okay, let’s say

                              PAUL

              No, wait — apples.  Apples.

     JIM draws illustrative circles on the board as he speaks.

                              JIM

              Fine.  Let’s say all you ever knew was

               apples. Apples, apples and more apples.

              You might think apples were pretty good,

              even if you occasionally got a rotten

              one. Then one day there’s an orange. And

              now you can make a decision. Do you want

              an apple, or do you want an orange?

              That’s democracy.

                              PAUL

              I also like bananas.

                              JIM

              Exactly.  So what do you say?  Maybe

              it’s time to give a little something

              back.

TWELFTH NIGHT – Viola realizes Olivia has fallen in love with her (Cesario). Dramatic/Comedic Monologue For Teen Female. 2 Min.

VIOLA
I left no ring with her: what means this lady?
Fortune forbid my outside have not charm’d her!
She made good view of me; indeed, so much,
That sure methought her eyes had lost her tongue,
For she did speak in starts distractedly.
She loves me, sure; the cunning of her passion
Invites me in this churlish messenger.
None of my lord’s ring! why, he sent her none.
I am the man: if it be so, as ’tis,
Poor lady, she were better love a dream.
Disguise, I see, thou art a wickedness,
Wherein the pregnant enemy does much.
How easy is it for the proper-false
In women’s waxen hearts to set their forms!
Alas, our frailty is the cause, not we!
For such as we are made of, such we be.
How will this fadge? my master loves her dearly;
And I, poor monster, fond as much on him;
And she, mistaken, seems to dote on me.
What will become of this? As I am man,
My state is desperate for my master’s love;
As I am woman,–now alas the day!–
What thriftless sighs shall poor Olivia breathe!
O time! thou must untangle this, not I;
It is too hard a knot for me to untie!

THE WINTER’S TALE – Paulina scolds the king about Hermione’s death. Dramatic Monologue For Teen/Young Adult Female. 2-3 Min.

PAULINA
What studied torments, tyrant, hast for me?
What wheels? racks? fires? what flaying? boiling?
In leads or oils? what old or newer torture
Must I receive, whose every word deserves
To taste of thy most worst? Thy tyranny
Together working with thy jealousies,
Fancies too weak for boys, too green and idle
For girls of nine, O, think what they have done
And then run mad indeed, stark mad! for all
Thy by-gone fooleries were but spices of it.
That thou betray’dst Polixenes,’twas nothing;
That did but show thee, of a fool, inconstant
And damnable ingrateful: nor was’t much,
Thou wouldst have poison’d good Camillo’s honour,
To have him kill a king: poor trespasses,
More monstrous standing by: whereof I reckon
The casting forth to crows thy baby-daughter
To be or none or little; though a devil
Would have shed water out of fire ere done’t:
Nor is’t directly laid to thee, the death
Of the young prince, whose honourable thoughts,
Thoughts high for one so tender, cleft the heart
That could conceive a gross and foolish sire
Blemish’d his gracious dam: this is not, no,
Laid to thy answer: but the last,–O lords,
When I have said, cry ‘woe!’ the queen, the queen,
The sweet’st, dear’st creature’s dead,
and vengeance for’t
Not dropp’d down yet.

THE LIBATION BEARERS – Electra pours the libations on her father’s grave. Dramatic Monologue For Teen/Young Adult Female. 2 Min.

ELECTRA: Ye captive women, ye who tend this home,
Since ye are present to escort with me
These lustral rites, your counsel now I crave.
How, while I pour these off’rings on the tomb,
Speak friendly words? and how invoke my Sire?
Shall I declare that from a loving wife
To her dear lord I bear them? from my mother?
My courage fails, now know I what to speak,
Pouring libations on my father’s tomb.
Or shall I pray, as holy wont enjoins,
That to the senders of these chaplets, he
Requital may accord, ay! meed of ill.
Or, with no mark of honour, silently,
For so my father perished, shall I pour
These offerings, potion to be drunk by earth,
Then, tossing o’er my head the lustral urn,
(As one who loathed refuse forth has cast,)
With eyes averted, back retrace my steps?
Be ye partakers in my counsel, friends,
For in this house one common hate we share.
Through fear hide not the feelings of your heart;
For what is destined waits alike the free
And him o’ermastered by another’s hand;–
If ye have aught more wise to urge, say on.

THE LIBATION BEARERS – Orestes mourns his father. Dramatic Monologue For Teen/Young Adult Male. 2-3 Min.

ORESTES
Hermes, messenger to the dead, guardian
of your father’s powers, help rescue me
work with me, I beg you, now I’ve come back,
returned to this land from exile. On this grave,
on this heaped-up earth, I call my father,
imploring him to listen, to hear me . . .

[Orestes cuts two locks of his hair and sets them one by one on the tomb]

Here’s a lock of hair, offering to Inachus,
the stream where I was raised. Here’s another,
a token of my grief. I was not there,
my father, to mourn your death. I couldn’t stretch
my hand out to you, when they carried off
your corpse for burial.

[Enter Electra and the Chorus, dressed in black. They do not see Orestes and Pylades]

What’s this I see?
What’s this crowd of women coming here,
all wearing black in public? What does it mean?
What new turn of fate? Has some fresh sorrow
struck the house? Or am I right to think
they bring libations here to honour you,
my father, to appease the dead below?
That must be it. I see my sister there,
Electra. That’s her approaching with them.
She’s grieving in great pain that’s obvious.
O Zeus, let me avenge my father’s death.
Support me as my ally in this fight.
Pylades, let’s stand over there and hide,
so I can find out what’s taking place,
what brings these suppliant women here.

THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA – Julia tries to read her love letter from torn pieces of paper. Comedic Monologue For Teen/Young Adult Female. 2 Min.

JULIA
Nay, would I were so anger’d with the same!
O hateful hands, to tear such loving words!
Injurious wasps, to feed on such sweet honey
And kill the bees that yield it with your stings!
I’ll kiss each several paper for amends.
Look, here is writ ‘kind Julia.’ Unkind Julia!
As in revenge of thy ingratitude,
I throw thy name against the bruising stones,
Trampling contemptuously on thy disdain.
And here is writ ‘love-wounded Proteus.’
Poor wounded name! my bosom as a bed
Shall lodge thee till thy wound be thoroughly heal’d;
And thus I search it with a sovereign kiss.
But twice or thrice was ‘Proteus’ written down.
Be calm, good wind, blow not a word away
Till I have found each letter in the letter,
Except mine own name: that some whirlwind bear
Unto a ragged fearful-hanging rock
And throw it thence into the raging sea!
Lo, here in one line is his name twice writ,
‘Poor forlorn Proteus, passionate Proteus,
To the sweet Julia:’ that I’ll tear away.
And yet I will not, sith so prettily
He couples it to his complaining names.
Thus will I fold them one on another:
Now kiss, embrace, contend, do what you will.

“Every girl is afraid of you” From the Film “Mean Girls.” Ms. Norbury tells the class how their lives will turn out if things don’t change. 1-2 min.

Written by: Tina Fey

MS. NORBURY: Regina George. Every girl here is afraid of you. I’m afraid of you half the time. But I’ve met girls like you before and I can tell you, if you don’t change your life, you’re about ten years away from being a divorced Real Estate agent with chipped nail tips.

And don’t think Regina is the meanest girl in this school. I have never met anybody as mean as Jessica Lopez. I’ve seen Jessica Lopez make a girl cry just by looking at her. Do it, Jessica.

You guys wear your tiny little t-shirts that say “Princess” and “Diva” and you act like you’ve got it all under control, but I know you’re freaking out inside. You feel like everybody else has some kind of secret guidebook on how to be perfect and cute and you’re just a goon. That’s cause you’re still changing. Not everybody looks their best at 15. (to an awkward girl) Annika. You’re gonna hit your peak in five years. (to another awkward girl) Emily, it’s all gonna happen for you in your thirties. You’re gonna be, like – (sexy voice) “I teach yoga in Los Angeles”

Karen, you are at your peak right now. Take a lot of pictures. Wear your bathing suit whenever possible. This is it for you.

“I want to read you all something” From the Film “Captain Fantastic.” Ben brings his kids to their mother’s funeral. 2-3 min.

Written by: Matt Ross

BEN: I’ll take that as my cue, if I may.

First off, Leslie practiced Buddhism. Which, to her, was a philosophy and not an organized religion. In fact, Leslie abhorred organized religion, thought it the single most dangerous fairy-tale ever invented, used to strike fear and obedience into the hearts of the innocent and uninformed. She saw it not just as a source of injustice, but as a crime against humanity. To her – the only thing worse than death would have been the knowledge that her rotting flesh was to be trapped for all eternity in a box in the middle of a fucking golf course.

At this, there are audible GASPS from the congregation. Jack pushes his way out of the pew and whispers to some ushers in black suits.

Though the absurdity of being eulogized by someone who didn’t even know her has exactly the kind of comedic flourish that she would have cherished.

Ben looks at his kids. They nod at him, encouraging him to continue.

If nothing else. Leslie had a sense of humor.

He takes a piece of paper from his jacket.

I want to read you all something. So you know what I mean. I found this after her death. It’s Leslie’s Will. And I quote, “In the event of her death, Leslie Abigail Cash, as a Buddhist, wishes to be cremated. Her funeral, such as it is, shall be a celebration of the life-cycle, with music and dancing. After, it is her expressed desire that her ashes shall be taken to a nondescript location, preferably public and heavily populated so as to be utterly unremarkable. At which point her ashes, promptly and unceremoniously, are to be flushed down the nearest toilet.” End quote.

Now THAT’s comedy.

A RAISIN IN THE SUN – 20-year old Beneatha is currently going to college and some of her personal beliefs and views have distanced her from conservative family. She dreams of being a doctor and struggles to determine her identity as a well-educated black woman. 1-2 min.

BENEATHA: Me?…Me?…Me, I’m nothing…Me. When I was very small…we used to take our sleds out in the wintertime and the only hills we had were the ice-covered stone steps of some houses down the street. And we used to fill them in with snow and make them smooth and slide down them all day…and it was very dangerous you know…far too steep…and sure enough one day a kid named Rufus came down too fast and hit the sidewalk… and we saw his face just split open right there in front of us… And I remember standing there looking at his bloody open face thinking that was the end of Rufus. But the ambulance came and they took him to the hospital they fixed the broken bones and they sewed it all up…and the next time I saw Rufus he just had a little line down the middle of his face…I never got over that…

That that was what one person could do for another, fix him up—sew up the problem, make him all right again. That was the most marvelous thing in the world…I wanted to do that. I always thought it was the one concrete thing in the world that a human being could do. Fix up the sick, you know—and make them whole again. This was truly being God.

No—I wanted to cure. It used to be so important to me. I wanted to cure. It used to matter. I used to care. I mean about people and how their bodies hurt…

I think I stopped.

RED – Ken angrily addresses the numerous issues he has with Rothko. From the play Red by John Logan. 3-4 min.

KEN: (Explodes.) Bores you?! Bores you?! – Christ almighty trying working for you for a living! – The talking-talking-talking-jesus-christ-won’t-he-ever-shut-up titanic self-absorption of the man! You stand there trying to look so deep when you’re nothing but a solipsistic bully with your grandiose self-importance and lectures and arias and let’s-look-at-the-fucking-canvas-for-another-few-weeks-let’s-not-fucking-paint-let’s-just-look. And the pretension! Jesus Christ, the pretension! I can’t imagine any other painter in the history of art ever tried so hard to be SIGNIFICANT!

You know, not everything has to be so goddamn IMPORTANT all the time! Not every painting has to rip your guts out and expose your soul! Not everyone wants art that actually HURTS! Sometimes you just want a fucking still life or landscape or soup can or comic book! Which you might learn if you ever actually left your goddamn hermetically-sealed submarine here with all the windows closed and no natural light – BECAUSE NATURAL LIGHT ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!

But then nothing is ever good enough for you! Not even the people who buy your pictures! Museums are nothing but mausoleums, galleries are run by pimps and swindlers, and art collectors are nothing but shallow social-climbers. So who is good enough to own your art?! Anyone?!

Or maybe the real question is: who’s good enough to even see your art? . . . Is it just possible no one is worthy to look at your paintings? . . . That’s it, isn’t it? . . . We have all been weighed in the balance and have been found wanting.

You say you spend your life in search of real human beings, people who can look at your pictures with compassion. But in your heart you no longer believe those people exist. . . So you lose faith… So you lose hope. . . So black swallows red.

My friend, I don’t think you’d recognize a real human being if he were standing right in front of you. (Pause. ROTHKO’s stern and uncompromising Old Testament glare make KEN uneasy. KEN’s resolve starts to crumble. He moves away.) Never mind.

“I always wanted to have my name in all the papers.”from the film “Chicago.” In this monologue Roxie Hart narrates stories of her relationships to an imaginary audience. Ideal for Young Adults ranging from 20-35. 1-2 Mins.

Written By: Bill Condon

Roxie:

“I always wanted to have my name in all the papers. Before I met Amos I use to date this well-to-do ugly bootlegger. He used to like to take me out and show me off. Ugly guys like to do that. Once it said in the paper, “Gangland’s Al Capelli seen at Chez Vito with cute blond chorine.” That was me. I clipped it and saved it. You know, all my life I wanted to have my own act. But noooo, no, no, no, it’s always no, they always turned me down. One big world full of no! And then Amos came along. Safe, sweet Amos. Who never says no. Ohh. (coy giggles) I’ve never done this before, but you know, it is such a special night and you are such a great audience! (applause from Roxie’s “audience”) And, and, I just really feel like I can talk to you, you know?

So forget what you’ve read in the papers, and forget what you’ve heard on the radio because, because, because I’m gonna tell you the truth. (giggles) Not that the truth really matters, but I’m gonna tell you anyway. In the bed department, Amos was……zero. I mean, when he made love to me, it was like, it was like he was fixing a carborator or something, (pretends to play with her breasts, imitating Amos) “I love ya, honey, I love ya!” Anyway, I started fooling around…and then I started screwing around, which is fooling around without dinner. Then I met Fred Casley, who said he could get me into vaudeville, but that didn’t quite work out like I planned. I guess it didn’t really work out too great for Fred either. So I gave up with the whole vaudeville idea, ’cause you gotta figure after all those years — opportunities just pass you by. (sings) But it ain’t, oh no no no no, but it ain’t. (speaking again) And now, if this Flynn guy gets me off, with all this publicity, I got me a world full of YES!.”

Your child wants to be a performer. You go to the mall and pay big bucks for glamour shots, perhaps even hair and make-up for the photos. Then you hear ads on the radio how your child can be Disney’s next big star so you call the 800#, make an appointment, hand over your credit card and… nothing.

Screeeeech! Hold on, back up. Unfortunately, the above scenario is all too true. But this is not how it really works.

If you’re looking for representation for your aspiring child actor, please read this article in its entirety so you have an understanding of what legitimate talent agencies are looking for, the top seven agencies in New York and how they operate regarding SAG-AFTRA jurisdictions.

What Talent Agencies Are Looking For in a Child Actor

Robin Dornbaum has been a commercial agent and owner of Jordan, Gill & Dornbaum for the last 30 years.

She has booked thousands of kids and teens on commercials for Coke, Apple, Microsoft, McDonalds, Nike — pretty much every product out there. Her agency currently reps: Sofia Hublitz (Netflix “Ozark”), Aubrey Joseph (Freeform’s “Cloak and Dagger”), Max Simkins (Disney “Bizaardvark”, Kim Hushable), Ruby Jerins (HBO “Divorce”, “Almost Family”), Katie Beth Hall (The reboot at Disney+ of “Home Alone”), Caleb Z. Smith (ABC’s For Life”), and many others in Film and Television.

Robin gives it to us straight about what she’s looking for in youth performers:

“I have been a youth agent for well over 30 years which means I have met thousands of children and young adults who want to be on stage, screen, or television. Most are driven by the desire to perform — which when you are a minor is pretty much all you need!

“However, as a parent of a driven child, you need to understand that this is first and foremost a business. And if you want your child to succeed, it is your job as a parent to get educated. When I meet a young performer that I am interested in representing, my meeting with the parent is equally as important. I need to know that the parent is committed to having their child prepared for auditions, and readily available to rearrange schedules to accommodate auditions. I work very hard to get my clients seen by casting directors, and I expect the talent to show up and be on time. It is important to remember that there are many talented kids out there who would do anything just for the privilege of getting an audition.

“What is so interesting about this business is that there is no one way to become successful. You can have the most talented child in the world, yet if they don’t get in the rooms where it all happens, it is harder to succeed. Everyone has heard stories of children being discovered and overnight they become a ‘star’, but in reality, the majority of my clients have worked years in the business before they land the role that makes them known. I have had clients who have been requested for television shows after they were seen on a commercial, or film auditions from being seen on a print ad. Everything you do can be a stepping stone to success. My best parents are the ones who educate themselves about the business, who know what it takes to get started, and who can oversee the many opportunities that come their way, while balancing out the rest of their family’s needs.

“For Teenagers who want to start in the business, building their resumes by performing as much as they can is the first step. We also are looking for well rounded teens; ones who pursue a variety of activities. For me, confidence equals bookings.”

The Top 7 New York Talent Agencies for Youth / Child Actors

PLEASE NOTE: The list is in alphabetical order.

Some of the agencies below have strict instructions on their website on how to submit, so please go to their site first to view submission details.

ABRAMS ARTISTS AGENCY
50 Fifth Ave.
38th Floor
New York, NY 10118
Website: https://www.abramsartistsagency.com/

CARSON ADLER AGENCY INC.
250 West 57^th St.
Suite #2030
New York, NY 10107
Website: http://carsonadler.com/

CESD TALENT
333 Seventh Ave.
11th Floor
New York, NY 10001 USAm
Website: http://www.cesdtalent.com/

DON BUCHWALD AND ASSOCIATES
10 East 44th Street
New York, NY, 10017
Website: https://www.buchwald.com/

JORDAN, GILL & DORNBAUM TALENT AGENCY INC. (JGD)
1370 Broadway
5^th Floor
New York, NY 10018
Website: https://jgdtalent.com/

UNITED TALENT AGENCY (UTA)
888 7th Ave.
New York, NY 10106
Website: https://www.unitedtalent.com/

WILLIAM MORRIS ENDEAVOR
11 Madison Ave.
New York, NY 10010
Website: http://www.wmeagency.com/

Information About SAG-AFTRA Agencies

NYCastings interviewed a SAG-AFTRA Spokesperson to help get a better understanding of agencies that work with SAG-AFTRA, the union for performers.

Their website states…

SAG-AFTRA represents approximately 160,000 actors, announcers, broadcasters journalists, dancers, DJs, news writers, news editors, program hosts, puppeteers, recording artists, singers, stunt performers, voiceover artists and other media professionals. SAG-AFTRA members are the faces and voices that entertain and inform America and the world. With national offices in Los Angeles and New York, and local offices nationwide, SAG-AFTRA members work together to secure the strongest protections for media artists into the 21st century and beyond.

The SAG-AFTRA Spokesperson answered our questions:

What is the definition of a SAG-AFTRA franchised Agent?

Agencies that have agreed to be bound under either the SAG Agency Regulations or the AFTRA Agency Regulations. Our members are required to choose from either of those two lists if they want to hire an agent to represent them in any area where SAG-AFTRA has exercised jurisdiction.

Why are some agents SAG franchised and others AFTRA franchised?

These are legacy lists that existed prior to the SAG-AFTRA merger and we have continued to administer both lists post-merger.

If the answer to #2 has something to do with when SAG and AFTRA joined together, then how come the agencies are still separated?

SAG-AFTRA continues to administer both sets of agency lists until such time when a new, unified agency agreement is negotiated to cover all agencies – that has not happened yet, therefore, we continue to maintain and administer both lists.

Is there a difference between a “SAG/AFTRA franchised agency” shown on your website and a “talent agency?”

Yes. Talent agencies are usually required to only be licensed by the State in which they operate. In order to call themselves franchised, however, they must also agree to sign on to the SAG or AFTRA agency regulations so that our members can be represented by them. When they do this, they are not only licensed talent agents but they become SAG-AFTRA franchised talent agents, too. This serves as an additional layer of protection for our members.

Is there a fee for an agency to be SAG/AFTRA franchised? How much?

No, although all of our franchised talent agents have to secure a bond – the amount of which may vary from one jurisdiction to another. Again, another layer of protection for our members.

For new agencies that want to be SAG/AFTRA franchised, how do they know if they should pick SAG or AFTRA?

In order to be fully protected for all areas in which our members work, we encourage new applicants to complete both sets of applications, SAG and AFTRA, which the overwhelming majority of them usually do.

To learn more about these agencies and many others, go to the Agents Directory

“You look cold, boys.” from the TV series “Game of Thrones.” Sir Allister Thorne confronts his recruits and tells them of the last time he faced winter and was outside of the wall to warn them that if they don’t toughen up, they won’t survive the next big winter. Ideal for Adult Males ranging from 36-50. 1-2 Mins.

Written By: Bryan Cogman

Sir All-star Thorne:

“Enjoying yourselves? You look cold, boys. A bit nippy, yeah. By the fire. Indoors. It’s still summer. Do you boys even remember the last winter? How long has it been now? What, 10 years? Was it uncomfortable at Winterfell? Were there days when you just couldn’t get warm, never mind how many fires your servants built? I spent six months out there, beyond the Wall during the last winter. It was supposed to be a two-week mission. We heard a rumor Mance Rayder was planning to attack Eastwatch. So we went out to look some of his men. Capture them, gather some knowledge.

The wildlings who fight for Mance Rayder are hard men. Harder than you’ll ever be. They know their country better than we do. They knew there was a storm coming in. So they hid in their caves and waited for it to pass. We got caught in the open. Wind so strong it yanked 100-foot trees straight from the ground, roots and all. If you took your gloves off to find your cock to have a piss, you lost a finger to the frost. And all in darkness. You don’t know cold. Neither of you do. The horses died first. We didn’t enough to feed them, to keep them warm. Eating the horses was easy. But later when we started to fall….that wasn’t easy. We should have had a couple of boys like you along, shouldn’t we? Soft, fat boys like you. We’d lasted a fortnight on you and still had bones left over for soup. Soon we’ll have new recruits and you lot will be passed along to the lord commander for assignment. They will call you men of the Night’s Watch, but you’d be fools to believe it. You’re boys still. And come the winter you will die. Like flies. [Exits]

“See, the thing is, I care very much about aviation.” from the film “The Aviator.” Brought to a Congressional hearing by Senator Brewster over misused government money that Hughes Aircraft received to build several war planes, Howard Hughes has to defend himself from several accusations. Ideal for Adult Males ranging from 36-50. 1-2 Mins.

Written By: John Logan

Howard:

See, the thing is, I care very much about aviation. It has been the great joy of my life. That’s why I put my own money into these planes. And I have lost millions, senator Brewster, and I’ll go losing millions. It’s just….what I do. Now, if I’ve lost a lot of the government’s money during the war, I hope folks will put that into perspective. You see more than 60 other airplanes ordered from such firms as Lockheed, Douglas, Northrop and Boeing never saw action either. In all, more than $800 million was spent during the war on planes that never flew. Over 6 billion on other weapons that were never delivered. Yet Hughes Aircraft, with her 56 million is the only firm under investigation here. I cannot help but think that has a little more to do with TWA than planes that did not fly…..and I have one more thing to say here to this committee and that has to do with the Hercules…..