Confessions of a Dangerous Mind – Adult Males – Dramatic

“You’re a pretty angry young fella, aren’t you?”from the film “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind.” Barris is approached by Byrd, who then asks him to be a CIA free agent assassin. Ideal for Adult Males in their 20s and 50s. 1-2 Mins.

Written By: Chuck Barris and Charlie Kaufman


Barris sits on the curb, nursing his wounds.    Byrd exits the

bar and casually approaches.


         You’re a pretty angry young fella, aren’t

          you? Can’t fight worth a damn though.


          Screw off, fag. Don’t think I haven’t

          seen you watching me in that bar for a

          week now.


          Kind of a loner, I’d say. Fairly bright.

          A tad anti-social. Mad at the world.

          Can I buy you lunch?


          Look, there’s a schoolyard half a block

          down. Why don’t you go trolling there?

Barris gets up and starts to walk away.


          I could teach you at least thirty

         different ways to kill a man with a

         single blow, Mr. Barris.

Barris stops.

                   BYRD (CONT’D)

          Might help you in future bar fights.

          Just a thought.

Barris just stands there.

                   BYRD (CONT’D)

          Oh, and there’s money in it.    Good money.

Barris turns.



Barris and Jim Byrd sit in a booth.   Barris is wolfing a

hamburger. Byrd sips coffee.


             (mouth full)

          … and I figure if I can keep afloat

          until I come up with my next game show

          idea, then all will be copacetic.


          That sounds great, Chuck. Y’know, I’ve

          never known a television producer before.

          I’m impressed.


          Yeah, yeah. So what’s this money deal

          you were talking about?


          Well, I work for a government agency, and

          I can always use good, enthusiastic men

          to help me carry out my directives.


          What kind of work?   What government




         Problem solving work.   For the Office of

         Diplomatic Security.


         Office of what? Never heard of it.    Is

          that the fucking CIA or something?


          Please be discreet, Mr. Barris.



         Jesus, it is the fucking CIA! Hell, I’ll

          be a spy! Where do I sign up? Are you

         fucking with me? You’re fucking with me,

          aren’t you?


         Hardly. And you wouldn’t be with the

         company. You’d be a contract agent.

         Independent. No official tie to any

         agency. Is that understood?






          Why me?


          As you know, I’ve been watching you. For

          years, actually. I’ve only let you know

          about it for the last week.

Chuck stops chewing.




          I’m happy to report you fit our profile,

          Mr. Barris. Are you interested in this


Long pause.


          Well, what’s the profile?


          Are you interested in this work, Mr.



          Yeah, sure, I wanna be a secret agent.

         Contract agent. Whatever. Get to fuck

         beautiful Eastern European women. Wear a

         trenchcoat. Sounds like a kick.


          The work we do is very serious. It’s

         essential in quelling the rise of

         communism and allowing democracy to gain

          its rightful foothold around the globe.


          Sure.    Yeah. Okay.   That’s good.

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