Man on the Moon – Adult Males – Comedic

  “Andy, c’mon IN!” from the film “Man on the Moon.” George excitedly tells Andy he’s going to be on a show called Taxi, and Andy refuses to do it. George talks him into it, then Andy writes his terms, which are ridiculous. Ideal for Adult Males in their 20s-30s. 1-2 Mins. 

Written By: Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski

ANDY and GEORGE:

INT. SHAPIRO/WEST – DAY

George jumps from his desk.  Andy is walking in.

               GEORGE

        Andy, c’mon IN!  Thanks for flyin’

        out here!!

               ANDY

        The stewardess let me keep my

       headphones.

                GEORGE

       That’s… terrific!  But I got

       something better.  This is BIG…

               (giddy; milking the

               moment)

        You are getting a once-in-a-

       lifetime, unbelievably lucrative

       opportunity to star on… a

        PRIMETIME NETWORK SITCOM!!!!

Andy’s smile drops. He freezes up.

               ANDY

       Sitcom…?

               GEORGE

        And this is a CLASS ACT!  It’s the

        guys who did the Mary Tyler Moore

        and Bob Newhart shows!  It takes

        place in a taxi stand!  And you’re

        gonna be the Fonzie!

               ANDY

               (confused)

        I’m — Fonzie?

                    GEORGE

       NO!  The Fonzie!  The crazy breakout

       character!  The guy that all the

        kids impersonate and put on their

       lunchboxes!

               ANDY

               (soft)

        George, I hate sitcoms.

               GEORGE

        HANG ON, you ain’t heard the best

       part!  ABC has seen your foreign man

       character, and they want to turn him

        into —

               (he checks his

               notes)

       “Latka,” a lovable, goofy

       mechanic!!!

Long pause. Then — Andy responds.

               ANDY

        No.

                GEORGE

       “No”?  “No” to which part??

               ANDY

        No to the whole thing.  None of it

        sounds good.

George is flummoxed.

               GEORGE

        Andy… this is every comedian’s

        dream.

                ANDY

        I told you, I’m not a comedian.  And

        sitcoms are the lowest form of

       entertainment: Stupid jokes and

        canned laughter.

               GEORGE

               (shocked)

        B-but, this is classy… they did

        Bob Newha–

               ANDY

        I’m not interested.  I want to

        create my own material.

Beat.  George glares.

               GEORGE

        You have to do it.

               ANDY

        I refuse.

                  GEORGE

                (he explodes)

        LISTEN, you arrogant putz!  I’ve

        been in this business for twenty

       years!  I know!  If you walk away

        from this opportunity, you will

        never, NEVER see another one like it

       again!!!!

Long pause. Andy stares at George, amazed at this passion.

Then Andy gets up and looks around the office.  He stares at

the awards… the gold records… emblems of success and

experience.

Andy thinks — then nods.

               ANDY

       Okay.  Fine, I’ll do it.

               (beat)

        But I have a few terms.

               GEORGE

               (relieved)

        Of course!  That’s what negotiations

        are for.

Andy starts to write on a piece of paper.

               GEORGE (cont’d)

        What are you doing?

               ANDY

        Writing down my terms.

George watches patiently.

Andy clicks his pen, done.  George smiles and takes the

list.  He scans it… then his face gets totally befuddled.

               GEORGE

        Are you makin’ fun of me –?  This

        is RIDICULOUS!

               ANDY

               (blasй)

        Those are my terms.

               GEORGE

        They’re IMPOSSIBLE!!  Jesus!

               (he points at one

               item)

        I mean — “two guaranteed guest

        shots for Tony Clifton”??!  Who is

        this TONY CLIFTON?!

               ANDY

        He’s a Vegas entertainer.  I used to

        do impressions of him.  We sorta…

        got in a fight over that.

George gets a look.

               GEORGE

        This Clifton called me up.  He’s a

       loon!  He HATES you!

                    ANDY

        Nah, he just talks tough.  But I owe

        him one.

Andy smiles ingenuously, then turns stern.

                ANDY (cont’d)

        If I’m the new Fonz… ABC’s just

        gonna have to give me what I want.

               (a sarcastic FONZIE

               IMPRESSION)

       Heyyyyyy!

George winces.  He stares at the list.

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