“Andy, c’mon IN!” from the film “Man on the Moon.” George excitedly tells Andy he’s going to be on a show called Taxi, and Andy refuses to do it. George talks him into it, then Andy writes his terms, which are ridiculous. Ideal for Adult Males in their 20s-30s. 1-2 Mins.
Written By: Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski
ANDY and GEORGE:
INT. SHAPIRO/WEST – DAY
George jumps from his desk. Andy is walking in.
GEORGE
Andy, c’mon IN! Thanks for flyin’
out here!!
ANDY
The stewardess let me keep my
headphones.
GEORGE
That’s… terrific! But I got
something better. This is BIG…
(giddy; milking the
moment)
You are getting a once-in-a-
lifetime, unbelievably lucrative
opportunity to star on… a
PRIMETIME NETWORK SITCOM!!!!
Andy’s smile drops. He freezes up.
ANDY
Sitcom…?
GEORGE
And this is a CLASS ACT! It’s the
guys who did the Mary Tyler Moore
and Bob Newhart shows! It takes
place in a taxi stand! And you’re
gonna be the Fonzie!
ANDY
(confused)
I’m — Fonzie?
GEORGE
NO! The Fonzie! The crazy breakout
character! The guy that all the
kids impersonate and put on their
lunchboxes!
ANDY
(soft)
George, I hate sitcoms.
GEORGE
HANG ON, you ain’t heard the best
part! ABC has seen your foreign man
character, and they want to turn him
into —
(he checks his
notes)
“Latka,” a lovable, goofy
mechanic!!!
Long pause. Then — Andy responds.
ANDY
No.
GEORGE
“No”? “No” to which part??
ANDY
No to the whole thing. None of it
sounds good.
George is flummoxed.
GEORGE
Andy… this is every comedian’s
dream.
ANDY
I told you, I’m not a comedian. And
sitcoms are the lowest form of
entertainment: Stupid jokes and
canned laughter.
GEORGE
(shocked)
B-but, this is classy… they did
Bob Newha–
ANDY
I’m not interested. I want to
create my own material.
Beat. George glares.
GEORGE
You have to do it.
ANDY
I refuse.
GEORGE
(he explodes)
LISTEN, you arrogant putz! I’ve
been in this business for twenty
years! I know! If you walk away
from this opportunity, you will
never, NEVER see another one like it
again!!!!
Long pause. Andy stares at George, amazed at this passion.
Then Andy gets up and looks around the office. He stares at
the awards… the gold records… emblems of success and
experience.
Andy thinks — then nods.
ANDY
Okay. Fine, I’ll do it.
(beat)
But I have a few terms.
GEORGE
(relieved)
Of course! That’s what negotiations
are for.
Andy starts to write on a piece of paper.
GEORGE (cont’d)
What are you doing?
ANDY
Writing down my terms.
George watches patiently.
Andy clicks his pen, done. George smiles and takes the
list. He scans it… then his face gets totally befuddled.
GEORGE
Are you makin’ fun of me –? This
is RIDICULOUS!
ANDY
(blasй)
Those are my terms.
GEORGE
They’re IMPOSSIBLE!! Jesus!
(he points at one
item)
I mean — “two guaranteed guest
shots for Tony Clifton”??! Who is
this TONY CLIFTON?!
ANDY
He’s a Vegas entertainer. I used to
do impressions of him. We sorta…
got in a fight over that.
George gets a look.
GEORGE
This Clifton called me up. He’s a
loon! He HATES you!
ANDY
Nah, he just talks tough. But I owe
him one.
Andy smiles ingenuously, then turns stern.
ANDY (cont’d)
If I’m the new Fonz… ABC’s just
gonna have to give me what I want.
(a sarcastic FONZIE
IMPRESSION)
Heyyyyyy!
George winces. He stares at the list.
