Comedic

“Our new brake pads are really cool.” from the film “Tommy Boy.” Tommy Boy’ tries to sell brake pads to an executive with a crazy speech. Ideal for Young Adult Males in ranging 20-35. 1-2 Mins. Written By: Bonnie Turner and ...

“Say, fella, you neglected me and I feel very put out.” from the film “Mr. Deeds Goes to Town.” Drunk Mr. Morrow is impressed by Mr. Deeds. Ideal for Adult Males ranging from 36 – 50. 1-2 Mins. Written By: Robert ...

MARY POPPINS JR. – Mary Poppins shows up at the Banks’ door. Comedic Monologue for Kid/Teen Female. 1 Min.  MARY POPPINS: Mary Poppins: Good morning. I’ve come in answer to the advertisement. George and Winefred Banks live here, do they not? ...

“You must not fight” from the film “Aristocats.” The Duchess teaches the kittens how to act. Comedic Monologue for Kid Female. >1 Min. Written by: Larry Clemmons, Frank Thompson, Ralph Wright, et. al. DUCHESS: Now kittens, you must not fight. Toulouse! ...

“Guys and Gidgets” from the film “Hairspray.” Corny Collins amps up his fellow performers. Comedic Monologue for Teen Male. 1 Min. Written by: Leslie Dixon CORNY: Now don’t forget, Guys and Gidgets: Our very first prime-time spectacular is coming up on ...

“Can of Vegetables” from the film “Wet Hot American Summer.” Gene introduces the camp to a new friend. 1-2 minutes. GENE: I wanna thank all of you for a terrific summer. Cooking for all you nice people has really helped me ...

“I pretended to be asleep from the film “Hall Pass.” Maggie explains why she’s giving her husband a hall pass. 1-2 min. MAGGIE: Remember last week when we went to Lucy’s award thing? That night when we got home, Rick and ...

THE BOOK OF MORMON – Elder Price has finally had it with… well, everything! 1 min. ELDER PRICE: Well, well… If it isn’t the SUPER MORMON.  Spreading “the word”?! Making more –  BRAIN WASHED ZOMBIES?! How is it YOU converted all those ...

“My Name is Happy Gilmore” From the film “Happy Gilmore.” Happy Gilmore’s opening monologue. Comedic Monologue For Teen/Young Adult Male. 3 Min. a by: Tim Herlihy and Adam Sandler Happy: My name is Happy Gilmore. Ever since I was old enough to ...

“You beasts” From the Animated Film “101 Dalmatians.” Cruella De Vil is not defeated by the dogs. Comedic Monologue For Kid/Teen Female. 1 Min. Written by: John Hughes and Dodie Smith Cruella De Vil: You beasts! But I’m not beaten yet. ...

“Nice to be back” From the Animated Film “Aladdin.” The Genie pops out of its lamp. Comedic Monologue for Kid/Teen Male. 2 Min. Written by: Roger Allers, Ron Clements, Ted Elliot, et. al. Genie: Aaaaahhhhh! OY! Ten-thousand years will give ya ...

“I feel physically inadequate” From the Animated Film “Antz.” Zee visits a psychologist. Dramatic Monologue for Teen Male. 2 Min. Written by: Todd Alcott, Chris Weitz, and Paul Weitz Zee: All my life I’ve lived and worked in the big city, ...

“But do you have the common courtesy to call me and tell me that you will be twenty-five minutes late?” from the TV Show “Full House”. Uncle Jesse is fed up with being a housewife. 3-4 Min. JESSE: Give me a break… Don’t ...

“Pen them up together, they’ll devour each other without a second thought,” from the film “PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD’S END”. Jack Sparrow tells all the pirates that they should fight. 1-2 Min. JACK SPARROW: Whose boons? Your boons? Utterly ...

“Cause the only thing you give a shit about is yourself… and your medals,” from the film “Baywatch”. Mitch tells Brody he is out of the team. Comedic monologue ideal for Adult Male Actors. 1-2 Min.  MITCH: I watched you win ...

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST – Cecily meets Algernon, who she believes is Ernest. Comedic Monologue For Teen Female. 1 Min. Written by: Oscar Wilde CECILY: You silly boy! Why, we have been engaged for the last three months. It will be ...

“Perchance you think…” from the play “Peter and the Starcatcher”. Captain Black Stache laments the struggles of being a villain. Under 1 min. BLACK STACHE: “Perchance you think a treasure trunk sans treasure has put my piratical BVDs in a ...

“I was sort of wondering what you looked like.” from the film “The Apartment.” Bud gets caught lending out his apartment so the execs at his office can carry on affairs. He admits the whole thing to Sheldrake, and promises never to ...

“Mr. Bialystock…” from the film “The Producers.” Bloom devises the scheme of over-producing a flop. Bialystock takes him seriously. Bloom has his meltdown (I’m wet and in pain and I’m still hysterical!!). Bialystock backs off and gets him to join him ...

“You know, Stan, I feel sorry for you” From the Film “17 Again.” Mike tells Stan off. Dramatic/Comedic Monologue For Teen Male Actor. 1 Min. Written by: Jason Filardi MIKE: You know, Stan, I feel sorry for you. (Mike speaks loudly now, ...