The Replacements – Adult Males – Comedic

“You look like a swordfish I caught once.” from the film “The Replacement.” McGinty goes to ask Shane if he will quarterback his team during the strike. Ideal for Adult Males in their 30s-50s. 1-2 Mins.

Written By: Vince McKewin

McGINTY and SHANE:

Shane flops onto the deck of his boat, exhausted, when…

 

McGINTY (O.S.)

You look like a swordfish I caught once.

 

Shane jumps. McGinty is sitting on Shane’s old chair on the stern of the boat.

 

McGINTY

He hit the deck just like that.

 

Shane studies his visitor for a beat before taking a beer out of a cooler and cracking it open.

 

McGINTY

You know who I am?

 

SHANE

(nodding)

We met right before the Sugar Bowl.

 

McGINTY

Hell of a game, that Sugar Bowl. What’d you lose it by? Forty

points?

 

SHANE

Forty-five.

 

McGINTY

Jesus. Sometimes a game can stick with you so that you can never shake it off.

 

SHANE

So it seems.

 

McGINTY

You had a lot of tools. Fast. Quick release. Great downfield vision. You just never had good protection.

 

SHANE

I’ve got three concussions to prove it.

 

McGINTY

That’s why girls don’t play the game.

 

Shane gives him a look as McGinty grins.

 

SHANE

What do you want, Coach?

 

McGINTY

I’m back with the Sentinels. And I want you to quarterback ’em.

Shane just looks at him. Waiting for the punchline.

 

McGINTY

A scrambling quarterback is gonna do real well in this replacement environment. I’ve found the best guards available to protect you. And a wide receiver that even you can’t overthrow.

 

SHANE

I’m retired.

 

McGINTY

Yeah. And it looks like things have gone real well for you since.

 

SHANE

I got no complaints. It’s quiet here. Nobody bothers me.

 

McGINTY

That’s the great thing about plankton. Pretty much keeps to

itself.

 

He grins as Shane slips off his dive booties.

 

McGINTY

You know what separates the winners from the losers, kid?

 

SHANE

The score?

 

McGINTY

Getting back on the horse after you’ve been kicked in the teeth.

(a beat)

I’ve watched film on your games since the Sugar Bowl. I saw you get thrown to the wolves in Seattle. You’re supposed to be carrying a clipboard your first year — not a whole team.

(as Shane looks up)

Your team leaned on you and you crumbled. Is that how you want to be remembered?

 

Shane shrugs and stares out to the water.

 

 

SHANE

I don’t wanna be remembered at all.

 

He pulls a ratty old sweatshirt over his head and walks

over to the door to his tiny cabin as McGinty stands up.

 

McGINTY

You’re still young. You still got bags of talent. If you do well, who knows what will happen when the strike ends?

 

Shane looks up…

McGINTY

I can’t make you any promises, Shane.

 

McGinty points to the boats in the harbor.

 

McGINTY

But wouldn’t you rather take a chance than scrape shit off of other guys’ toys?

 

McGinty nods as he looks him in the eye.

 

McGINTY

Think it over.

 

He turns and walks off the boat as Shane watches him

go…

 

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